reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
