I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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