I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we made out on top of his cat.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
ttyl tear gas
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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