I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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