; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
