Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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