There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
