hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
