Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
