The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
