Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
