Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
