Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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