i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I stole a fireplace last night.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have fence marks all over my body
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
