Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
