i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
