I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
