Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
