seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
