Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
