listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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