I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize
