apparently the secret to your success is patron
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
