I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
