I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
