Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
