Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
