you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
