Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
