Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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