ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
