I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
