if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
