i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
