He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
