my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
