i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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