just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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