Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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