Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
