it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
