I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
