NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
soo... how was my night?
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