when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
