I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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