Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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