I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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