she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
