When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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