Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
